i can’t believe how long it’s been since you’ve been gone, i still cannot believe it, i dont know when i really will come to the fact that you really are gone. you gave a tough fucking fight for your life, it was such a tough battle to get through your days but through out those days you gave me everything you could to keep me going as well, i love you more than i can ever explain. you fought for your life for me, i was your baby and you wanted to do everything for your baby and you did. i wasn’t even sopposed to be born but when i was i know how special i was to you, i know how much you loved me and wanted the best for me.

i made you and daddy closer to eachother and i loved that as well. i didnt turn out to become the perfect child but i’m trying. you always found a way to keep me laughing, you would love me so much that i cant begin to explain how powerful it was. i wish, I really wish i could of gotten of known you a bit better but i still have the most fondest and strong memories of us, of me and you and daddy together, when we would go out we would be the silly family and making a bit of scenes when i was younger, especially when i wasnt okay you would embarass yourselfs for me. the smallest of things you would do for me meant everything to me. its so hard to write this answer due to the fact that your not with me anymore, and its so fucking difficult without you here, i dont see you in my presence anymore, the time where i need you i cant call for you or run into your arms and melt down. i dont hear your voice anymore, i dont feel your loving arms, i dont have that anymore and it hurts.

its just an empty space in my heart since you’ve been gone. i dont think i’ve ever been so damaged after i lost you because you were my mother, you meant the world to me, everything to me. even though there was tough times with alot you still wouldnt give me shit because i was your baby. but i’m still trucking along for you, for dad and i don’t really believe in god or anything but you guys are basically together now, the suffering is done mom and your at peace. i couldn’t bare to see you the last year of your fight. you looked so finished with everything but you wanted me to be taken care of and hearing you say ” i love you to much to have you see me like this, don’t you ever forget how much i love you krysta, my beautiful ballerina” i never stayed in ballet, sorry it just wasnt my thing and you knew that (: but i think about you everyday, from the moment i wake up the the moment i go to bed and i see you in my dreams. im glad your at peace but i dont think you will ever realize how much i love you. you were the most amazing mother anyone could ask for and nobody could of gotten a better one. im going to be getting better for you and dad as i said, i promise, i promise <3 <3 <3 <3. 

3 months ago · 1 note